Abuja, Nigeria.
Dissociated Press has just uncovered fresh details of a pre-inauguration deal struck between then President-elect Muhammadu Buhari and Goodluck Jonathan. Sources within the current administration who pleaded anonymity told our investigative reporters that this deal was one of the real reasons why then President Jonathan decided to throw in the towel after the elections and not put up a fight as anticipated by many Nigeria watchers.
Buhari allegedly promised to give Jonathan and his henchmen in the ministries three months to cover up their tracks and hide or destroy all relevant records that could lead to their imprisonment. During this time, Buhari pledged not to have any Ministers or cabinet. "Whatever they can not cover during the three months will then be used in anti-corruption prosecutions," one of our sources said.
When approached for comment, volunteers in President Buhari's office wrote back to Dissociated Press accusing our reporter of being "an agent of the devil and a closet Jonathanian". They wrote that they had never "heard such arrant nonsense" and that this was "a campaign of calumny aimed at soiling the good name of Mr President." They also said that they would not tolerate "casting aspersions or fingering the Presidency in any stupid deal with the Devil", adding that they were doing everything possible to see that Dissociated Press is "destroyed once and for all".
Each time former President Jonathan was contacted for comment, our reporter was told that he was in the gym with his wife doing yoga.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Friday, September 18, 2015
BUHARI CONDEMNS BURKINA FASO COUP; SAYS HIS '83 COUP WAS DIFFERENT
Abuja, Nigeria
President Buhari in an exclusive chat with Dissociated Press, Friday, condemned in the strongest terms the coup in Burkina Faso by members of its army, effectively truncating democracy only weeks to a general election.
"As Africans we reject unequivocally the truncating of democracy by gun wielding soldiers," Buhari said.
When asked if he did not feel conflicted as someone who himself benefitted from a successful coup which overthrew a democratically elected government, he sighed, paused and replied:
"You see my coup was different. My coup was a good coup. There are good coups and there are bad coups. But that is not even the main issue. I have repented. Can someone not repent again? If a boy has been going around sleeping with women and now he has stopped, can he not advise younger boys not to go around sleeping with women?"
Mr Buhari first came to power in a military coup in December 1983 which toppled the democratically elected regime of Mr Shehu Shagari, before defeating Goodluck Jonathan in 2015 in a general election to become president a second time.
Mr Buhari further advised all dictators to repent from dictatorships.
"You see now America is my friend. In '83 when I did a coup, America was not my friend. They like me now because I did an election. Everyone needs to be America's friend. They don't like using guns to get power. I mean, they like guns freely available in their country for everyone without discrimination but that is only because their citizens are not going to wake up and do a coup. People should learn from me."
Mr Buhari was recently received very warmly by the US President Barrack Obama.
President Buhari in an exclusive chat with Dissociated Press, Friday, condemned in the strongest terms the coup in Burkina Faso by members of its army, effectively truncating democracy only weeks to a general election.
"As Africans we reject unequivocally the truncating of democracy by gun wielding soldiers," Buhari said.
When asked if he did not feel conflicted as someone who himself benefitted from a successful coup which overthrew a democratically elected government, he sighed, paused and replied:
"You see my coup was different. My coup was a good coup. There are good coups and there are bad coups. But that is not even the main issue. I have repented. Can someone not repent again? If a boy has been going around sleeping with women and now he has stopped, can he not advise younger boys not to go around sleeping with women?"
Mr Buhari first came to power in a military coup in December 1983 which toppled the democratically elected regime of Mr Shehu Shagari, before defeating Goodluck Jonathan in 2015 in a general election to become president a second time.
Mr Buhari further advised all dictators to repent from dictatorships.
"You see now America is my friend. In '83 when I did a coup, America was not my friend. They like me now because I did an election. Everyone needs to be America's friend. They don't like using guns to get power. I mean, they like guns freely available in their country for everyone without discrimination but that is only because their citizens are not going to wake up and do a coup. People should learn from me."
Mr Buhari was recently received very warmly by the US President Barrack Obama.
Sunday, April 19, 2015
MULTICHOICE (DSTV) REACTS TO XENOPHOBIA IN SOUTH AFRICA
Pretoria, South Africa
The chief executive of Multichoice, providers of the satellite television subscription service, DSTV, has Monday, spoken out against the recent wave of xenophobic attacks in some communities in South Africa.
In a speech, the chief executive said that those who beat, stabbed and killed foreigners were cowards who knew nothing about what it means to be South African. He added that although xenophobia was unacceptable, "the calls for the boycott of South African goods and services particularly in countries like Nigeria" was unfair.
Making a pledge to keep speaking out against xenophobia, he added that DSTV was making the next two months free to all current subscribers of the television service in Nigeria, the company's biggest market. The free subscription applies to all customers with a valid subscription, whether those with the family bouquet or premium bouquet and takes effect from the end of each customers current subscription.
He advised customers benefitting from this xenophobia induced bonanza to use their two free months wisely and watch as many channels as their work and family life allow.
Efforts to reach the South African company MTN to ask if they too were planning a xenophobia bonanza proved abortive.
The chief executive of Multichoice, providers of the satellite television subscription service, DSTV, has Monday, spoken out against the recent wave of xenophobic attacks in some communities in South Africa.
In a speech, the chief executive said that those who beat, stabbed and killed foreigners were cowards who knew nothing about what it means to be South African. He added that although xenophobia was unacceptable, "the calls for the boycott of South African goods and services particularly in countries like Nigeria" was unfair.
Making a pledge to keep speaking out against xenophobia, he added that DSTV was making the next two months free to all current subscribers of the television service in Nigeria, the company's biggest market. The free subscription applies to all customers with a valid subscription, whether those with the family bouquet or premium bouquet and takes effect from the end of each customers current subscription.
He advised customers benefitting from this xenophobia induced bonanza to use their two free months wisely and watch as many channels as their work and family life allow.
Efforts to reach the South African company MTN to ask if they too were planning a xenophobia bonanza proved abortive.
Friday, April 3, 2015
BREAKING: GOODLUCK JONATHAN, AIDES DECAMP TO APC
Abuja, Nigeria.
In a WhatsApp message leaked exclusively to our reporter, details of a secret meeting between APC party leader Bola Ahmed Tinubu, Muhammadu Buhari and Goodluck Jonathan have been revealed.
The trio met throughout the night, Thursday to work out a deal that would see General Buhari retain some members of the PDP government and protect the assets of the outgoing president.
The WhatsApp message sent to us by a close senior aide to one of the three, details how Goodluck Jonathan "begged Buhari not to revoke his oil well allocations or those of his wife Patience Jonathan."
Buhari who was stoic throughout the meeting, simply nodded without saying a word. Bola Ahmed Tinubu was the one who allegedly broached the issue, first as a joke, that "it would be great to have the outgoing president embracing change by joining the winning party."
According to our source who pleaded anonymity, "President Jonathan laughed, stopped, and then nervously said: 'Wetin person go lose sef. Oya now, Tinubu, get me the party ticket. Make we all change together.'"
General Buhari then smiled, for the first time during the meeting.
Doyin Okupe, aide to President Jonathan, upon hearing this news, quickly called the APC leader in his local ward to demand an APC Party membership card. The WhatsApp message ended by saying that Reno Omokri and Reuben Abati were considering decamping to the PDP, but couldn't reach the APC National Chairman by phone. "Network problems," our source concluded.
It is unclear when President Jonathan will make the announcement formal, or whether Bola Tinubu will actually send President Jonathan the membership cards.
All attempts to reach the trio for comment proved abortive.
In a WhatsApp message leaked exclusively to our reporter, details of a secret meeting between APC party leader Bola Ahmed Tinubu, Muhammadu Buhari and Goodluck Jonathan have been revealed.
The trio met throughout the night, Thursday to work out a deal that would see General Buhari retain some members of the PDP government and protect the assets of the outgoing president.
The WhatsApp message sent to us by a close senior aide to one of the three, details how Goodluck Jonathan "begged Buhari not to revoke his oil well allocations or those of his wife Patience Jonathan."
Buhari who was stoic throughout the meeting, simply nodded without saying a word. Bola Ahmed Tinubu was the one who allegedly broached the issue, first as a joke, that "it would be great to have the outgoing president embracing change by joining the winning party."
According to our source who pleaded anonymity, "President Jonathan laughed, stopped, and then nervously said: 'Wetin person go lose sef. Oya now, Tinubu, get me the party ticket. Make we all change together.'"
General Buhari then smiled, for the first time during the meeting.
Doyin Okupe, aide to President Jonathan, upon hearing this news, quickly called the APC leader in his local ward to demand an APC Party membership card. The WhatsApp message ended by saying that Reno Omokri and Reuben Abati were considering decamping to the PDP, but couldn't reach the APC National Chairman by phone. "Network problems," our source concluded.
It is unclear when President Jonathan will make the announcement formal, or whether Bola Tinubu will actually send President Jonathan the membership cards.
All attempts to reach the trio for comment proved abortive.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
JONATHAN TO APPOINT WOMEN WITH DREADLOCKS TO SENSITIVE POSITIONS
Lagos, Nigeria.
In a quick stop at the headquarters of the Hairdressers Association of Nigeria (HAN) in Lagos, Saturday, President Jonathan expressed appreciation for the good work the hairdressers were doing in "making the women of Nigeria palatable". Jonathan, who had earlier asked for the price list of popular hairdos in Lagos, shocked the hairdressers when he made a pledge to appoint women with dreadlocks to sensitive positions in government.
"I don't know how many women with dada we have but I doubt we have much because of how our people take dada as something bad. But the thing shocked me as I saw you are doing dada, ehn? did you say... oh, sorry, dreadlocks. Yes dreadlocks, I was shocked to see you do it for nearly 8,000 for new one. Instantly I told myself that if I appoint more women who will wear their dreadlocks openly in government, like if a woman as Diezani should carry dreadlocks, it will encourage women to come and also do the same. Just think of it, eight-eight thousand into how many places. You people will be even richer than Dangote. It will help. I will help the economy."
The President of the Hairdressers Association, Mrs Felicia Gashi in her remarks, thanked the President for his visit and pledge, but said that the association had only two main needs at the moment.
"If Mr. President will look into these plenty men from Ghana who come as hairdressers to take our business and just give us electricity, we will be happy."
Mr Doyin Okupe who was accompanying President Jonathan, retorted: "Which electricity? Mr President has just promised that you will become rich like Dangote. Does Dangote complain about generator or diesel? Is he not enjoying his money? Please don't be ungrateful."
The visit ended soon thereafter.
In a quick stop at the headquarters of the Hairdressers Association of Nigeria (HAN) in Lagos, Saturday, President Jonathan expressed appreciation for the good work the hairdressers were doing in "making the women of Nigeria palatable". Jonathan, who had earlier asked for the price list of popular hairdos in Lagos, shocked the hairdressers when he made a pledge to appoint women with dreadlocks to sensitive positions in government.
"I don't know how many women with dada we have but I doubt we have much because of how our people take dada as something bad. But the thing shocked me as I saw you are doing dada, ehn? did you say... oh, sorry, dreadlocks. Yes dreadlocks, I was shocked to see you do it for nearly 8,000 for new one. Instantly I told myself that if I appoint more women who will wear their dreadlocks openly in government, like if a woman as Diezani should carry dreadlocks, it will encourage women to come and also do the same. Just think of it, eight-eight thousand into how many places. You people will be even richer than Dangote. It will help. I will help the economy."
The President of the Hairdressers Association, Mrs Felicia Gashi in her remarks, thanked the President for his visit and pledge, but said that the association had only two main needs at the moment.
"If Mr. President will look into these plenty men from Ghana who come as hairdressers to take our business and just give us electricity, we will be happy."
Mr Doyin Okupe who was accompanying President Jonathan, retorted: "Which electricity? Mr President has just promised that you will become rich like Dangote. Does Dangote complain about generator or diesel? Is he not enjoying his money? Please don't be ungrateful."
The visit ended soon thereafter.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
BREAKING NEWS: FANI KAYODE SECRETLY WORKING FOR BUHARI
Lagos, Nigeria
Documents anonymously leaked to Dissociated Press, Wednesday, have suggested that the trio of Femi Fani Kayode, Doyin Okupe and Ayo Fayose had entered into a secret pact with the APC to secure victory for General Buhari at the 2015 presidential polls. One of the documents, a blood oath agreement signed by all three persons on a blood stained, blue A4 Conqueror paper, shows that all parties had agreed to work against the re-election of President Goodluck Jonathan "by any means necessary." It is unclear why they chose blue Conqueror paper instead of the more official cream or white.
In an appendix to the one page agreement, an equally blood-stained A4 plain sheet, outlined the duties of each of the three PDP members as follows:
Femi Fani Kayode: To systematically reduce the appeal of President Goodluck Jonathan by issuing extreme, odious and violent press releases in the name of Jesus; To bring President Jonathan into disrepute by spewing intolerance and hate.
Doyin Okupe: To irritate and annoy young and middle aged Nigerians on social media and make President Jonathan impossible to like; To pepper most messages with the name of Jesus, occasionally calling people children of Satan, giving the impression of the President as a religious bigot; To speak with no sense of decorum, bringing into question President Jonathan's sense of judgment in appointing his aides.
Ayo Fayose: To take it all up several notches by sponsoring the most cringe-worthy messages capable of putting doubts in even the staunchest supporters of President Goodluck Jonathan; To make Jonathan appear weak and unable to tame the wild elements in his campaign team.
The rest of the text was illegible due to the dried patches of blood, likely from the blood oath. The document also stated that anyone who failed to carry out their duties would die a painful death. When reached for comment, Governor Ayo Fayose issuing a denial said: "Look here, I cannot sign a blood oath with anybody with my life...Yes, eyan le ku any fucking time, but that does not mean I will sign something that says I will die."
When asked to clarify his statement, he dropped the call. All attempts to reach the other persons involved for comment proved abortive.
Documents anonymously leaked to Dissociated Press, Wednesday, have suggested that the trio of Femi Fani Kayode, Doyin Okupe and Ayo Fayose had entered into a secret pact with the APC to secure victory for General Buhari at the 2015 presidential polls. One of the documents, a blood oath agreement signed by all three persons on a blood stained, blue A4 Conqueror paper, shows that all parties had agreed to work against the re-election of President Goodluck Jonathan "by any means necessary." It is unclear why they chose blue Conqueror paper instead of the more official cream or white.
In an appendix to the one page agreement, an equally blood-stained A4 plain sheet, outlined the duties of each of the three PDP members as follows:
Femi Fani Kayode: To systematically reduce the appeal of President Goodluck Jonathan by issuing extreme, odious and violent press releases in the name of Jesus; To bring President Jonathan into disrepute by spewing intolerance and hate.
Doyin Okupe: To irritate and annoy young and middle aged Nigerians on social media and make President Jonathan impossible to like; To pepper most messages with the name of Jesus, occasionally calling people children of Satan, giving the impression of the President as a religious bigot; To speak with no sense of decorum, bringing into question President Jonathan's sense of judgment in appointing his aides.
Ayo Fayose: To take it all up several notches by sponsoring the most cringe-worthy messages capable of putting doubts in even the staunchest supporters of President Goodluck Jonathan; To make Jonathan appear weak and unable to tame the wild elements in his campaign team.
The rest of the text was illegible due to the dried patches of blood, likely from the blood oath. The document also stated that anyone who failed to carry out their duties would die a painful death. When reached for comment, Governor Ayo Fayose issuing a denial said: "Look here, I cannot sign a blood oath with anybody with my life...Yes, eyan le ku any fucking time, but that does not mean I will sign something that says I will die."
When asked to clarify his statement, he dropped the call. All attempts to reach the other persons involved for comment proved abortive.
Saturday, February 14, 2015
BREAKING NEWS: NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT ELECTION POSTPONEMENT
Lagos, Nigeria
Two associations governing the activities of print media in Nigeria have taken the unlikely position of supporting Goodluck Jonathan's backdoor postponement of the 2015 General Elections.
Speaking at a thanksgiving service to praise God for the postponement, Mr Rufus Okupe, chairman of the Newspaper Proprietors Association of Nigeria (NPAN) said that the new date would extend the period of newspaper advertisements, enabling them to be able to offsets debts and pay salaries.
"Nigerian journalists are among the worst paid in the world," said the secretary of the Combined Union of Newspaper Traders and Suppliers (CUNTS), Mr Moringa Abati.
Mr Abati, who was also at the thanksgiving service, added that the proceeds from election advertisements in the next six weeks could help make sure that Nigerian journalists "won't have to collects brown envelopes for at least six months."
On her part, Mrs Ngozi Boniface, president of CUNTS, said that she empathised with Nigerians who might be frustrated with the shift from February 14 to March 28. "But it doesn't happen always," she said, "and Nigerians should allow us to chop too."
It was rumoured that social media and other campaign consultants also secretly attended the thanksgiving service to praise God for extending their contracts by six weeks.
The social media consultants and handlers of the Buhari campaign could not be reached for comment.
Two associations governing the activities of print media in Nigeria have taken the unlikely position of supporting Goodluck Jonathan's backdoor postponement of the 2015 General Elections.
Speaking at a thanksgiving service to praise God for the postponement, Mr Rufus Okupe, chairman of the Newspaper Proprietors Association of Nigeria (NPAN) said that the new date would extend the period of newspaper advertisements, enabling them to be able to offsets debts and pay salaries.
"Nigerian journalists are among the worst paid in the world," said the secretary of the Combined Union of Newspaper Traders and Suppliers (CUNTS), Mr Moringa Abati.
Mr Abati, who was also at the thanksgiving service, added that the proceeds from election advertisements in the next six weeks could help make sure that Nigerian journalists "won't have to collects brown envelopes for at least six months."
On her part, Mrs Ngozi Boniface, president of CUNTS, said that she empathised with Nigerians who might be frustrated with the shift from February 14 to March 28. "But it doesn't happen always," she said, "and Nigerians should allow us to chop too."
It was rumoured that social media and other campaign consultants also secretly attended the thanksgiving service to praise God for extending their contracts by six weeks.
The social media consultants and handlers of the Buhari campaign could not be reached for comment.
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