Pretoria, South Africa
The chief executive of Multichoice, providers of the satellite television subscription service, DSTV, has Monday, spoken out against the recent wave of xenophobic attacks in some communities in South Africa.
In a speech, the chief executive said that those who beat, stabbed and killed foreigners were cowards who knew nothing about what it means to be South African. He added that although xenophobia was unacceptable, "the calls for the boycott of South African goods and services particularly in countries like Nigeria" was unfair.
Making a pledge to keep speaking out against xenophobia, he added that DSTV was making the next two months free to all current subscribers of the television service in Nigeria, the company's biggest market. The free subscription applies to all customers with a valid subscription, whether those with the family bouquet or premium bouquet and takes effect from the end of each customers current subscription.
He advised customers benefitting from this xenophobia induced bonanza to use their two free months wisely and watch as many channels as their work and family life allow.
Efforts to reach the South African company MTN to ask if they too were planning a xenophobia bonanza proved abortive.
Africa's number 1 news source. Not related to Associated Press. All attempts to verify information usually prove abortive. Fan of The Onion. "Truth, what is truth?" - Aristotle, 1975.
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Friday, April 3, 2015
BREAKING: GOODLUCK JONATHAN, AIDES DECAMP TO APC
Abuja, Nigeria.
In a WhatsApp message leaked exclusively to our reporter, details of a secret meeting between APC party leader Bola Ahmed Tinubu, Muhammadu Buhari and Goodluck Jonathan have been revealed.
The trio met throughout the night, Thursday to work out a deal that would see General Buhari retain some members of the PDP government and protect the assets of the outgoing president.
The WhatsApp message sent to us by a close senior aide to one of the three, details how Goodluck Jonathan "begged Buhari not to revoke his oil well allocations or those of his wife Patience Jonathan."
Buhari who was stoic throughout the meeting, simply nodded without saying a word. Bola Ahmed Tinubu was the one who allegedly broached the issue, first as a joke, that "it would be great to have the outgoing president embracing change by joining the winning party."
According to our source who pleaded anonymity, "President Jonathan laughed, stopped, and then nervously said: 'Wetin person go lose sef. Oya now, Tinubu, get me the party ticket. Make we all change together.'"
General Buhari then smiled, for the first time during the meeting.
Doyin Okupe, aide to President Jonathan, upon hearing this news, quickly called the APC leader in his local ward to demand an APC Party membership card. The WhatsApp message ended by saying that Reno Omokri and Reuben Abati were considering decamping to the PDP, but couldn't reach the APC National Chairman by phone. "Network problems," our source concluded.
It is unclear when President Jonathan will make the announcement formal, or whether Bola Tinubu will actually send President Jonathan the membership cards.
All attempts to reach the trio for comment proved abortive.
In a WhatsApp message leaked exclusively to our reporter, details of a secret meeting between APC party leader Bola Ahmed Tinubu, Muhammadu Buhari and Goodluck Jonathan have been revealed.
The trio met throughout the night, Thursday to work out a deal that would see General Buhari retain some members of the PDP government and protect the assets of the outgoing president.
The WhatsApp message sent to us by a close senior aide to one of the three, details how Goodluck Jonathan "begged Buhari not to revoke his oil well allocations or those of his wife Patience Jonathan."
Buhari who was stoic throughout the meeting, simply nodded without saying a word. Bola Ahmed Tinubu was the one who allegedly broached the issue, first as a joke, that "it would be great to have the outgoing president embracing change by joining the winning party."
According to our source who pleaded anonymity, "President Jonathan laughed, stopped, and then nervously said: 'Wetin person go lose sef. Oya now, Tinubu, get me the party ticket. Make we all change together.'"
General Buhari then smiled, for the first time during the meeting.
Doyin Okupe, aide to President Jonathan, upon hearing this news, quickly called the APC leader in his local ward to demand an APC Party membership card. The WhatsApp message ended by saying that Reno Omokri and Reuben Abati were considering decamping to the PDP, but couldn't reach the APC National Chairman by phone. "Network problems," our source concluded.
It is unclear when President Jonathan will make the announcement formal, or whether Bola Tinubu will actually send President Jonathan the membership cards.
All attempts to reach the trio for comment proved abortive.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
JONATHAN TO APPOINT WOMEN WITH DREADLOCKS TO SENSITIVE POSITIONS
Lagos, Nigeria.
In a quick stop at the headquarters of the Hairdressers Association of Nigeria (HAN) in Lagos, Saturday, President Jonathan expressed appreciation for the good work the hairdressers were doing in "making the women of Nigeria palatable". Jonathan, who had earlier asked for the price list of popular hairdos in Lagos, shocked the hairdressers when he made a pledge to appoint women with dreadlocks to sensitive positions in government.
"I don't know how many women with dada we have but I doubt we have much because of how our people take dada as something bad. But the thing shocked me as I saw you are doing dada, ehn? did you say... oh, sorry, dreadlocks. Yes dreadlocks, I was shocked to see you do it for nearly 8,000 for new one. Instantly I told myself that if I appoint more women who will wear their dreadlocks openly in government, like if a woman as Diezani should carry dreadlocks, it will encourage women to come and also do the same. Just think of it, eight-eight thousand into how many places. You people will be even richer than Dangote. It will help. I will help the economy."
The President of the Hairdressers Association, Mrs Felicia Gashi in her remarks, thanked the President for his visit and pledge, but said that the association had only two main needs at the moment.
"If Mr. President will look into these plenty men from Ghana who come as hairdressers to take our business and just give us electricity, we will be happy."
Mr Doyin Okupe who was accompanying President Jonathan, retorted: "Which electricity? Mr President has just promised that you will become rich like Dangote. Does Dangote complain about generator or diesel? Is he not enjoying his money? Please don't be ungrateful."
The visit ended soon thereafter.
In a quick stop at the headquarters of the Hairdressers Association of Nigeria (HAN) in Lagos, Saturday, President Jonathan expressed appreciation for the good work the hairdressers were doing in "making the women of Nigeria palatable". Jonathan, who had earlier asked for the price list of popular hairdos in Lagos, shocked the hairdressers when he made a pledge to appoint women with dreadlocks to sensitive positions in government.
"I don't know how many women with dada we have but I doubt we have much because of how our people take dada as something bad. But the thing shocked me as I saw you are doing dada, ehn? did you say... oh, sorry, dreadlocks. Yes dreadlocks, I was shocked to see you do it for nearly 8,000 for new one. Instantly I told myself that if I appoint more women who will wear their dreadlocks openly in government, like if a woman as Diezani should carry dreadlocks, it will encourage women to come and also do the same. Just think of it, eight-eight thousand into how many places. You people will be even richer than Dangote. It will help. I will help the economy."
The President of the Hairdressers Association, Mrs Felicia Gashi in her remarks, thanked the President for his visit and pledge, but said that the association had only two main needs at the moment.
"If Mr. President will look into these plenty men from Ghana who come as hairdressers to take our business and just give us electricity, we will be happy."
Mr Doyin Okupe who was accompanying President Jonathan, retorted: "Which electricity? Mr President has just promised that you will become rich like Dangote. Does Dangote complain about generator or diesel? Is he not enjoying his money? Please don't be ungrateful."
The visit ended soon thereafter.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
BREAKING NEWS: FANI KAYODE SECRETLY WORKING FOR BUHARI
Lagos, Nigeria
Documents anonymously leaked to Dissociated Press, Wednesday, have suggested that the trio of Femi Fani Kayode, Doyin Okupe and Ayo Fayose had entered into a secret pact with the APC to secure victory for General Buhari at the 2015 presidential polls. One of the documents, a blood oath agreement signed by all three persons on a blood stained, blue A4 Conqueror paper, shows that all parties had agreed to work against the re-election of President Goodluck Jonathan "by any means necessary." It is unclear why they chose blue Conqueror paper instead of the more official cream or white.
In an appendix to the one page agreement, an equally blood-stained A4 plain sheet, outlined the duties of each of the three PDP members as follows:
Femi Fani Kayode: To systematically reduce the appeal of President Goodluck Jonathan by issuing extreme, odious and violent press releases in the name of Jesus; To bring President Jonathan into disrepute by spewing intolerance and hate.
Doyin Okupe: To irritate and annoy young and middle aged Nigerians on social media and make President Jonathan impossible to like; To pepper most messages with the name of Jesus, occasionally calling people children of Satan, giving the impression of the President as a religious bigot; To speak with no sense of decorum, bringing into question President Jonathan's sense of judgment in appointing his aides.
Ayo Fayose: To take it all up several notches by sponsoring the most cringe-worthy messages capable of putting doubts in even the staunchest supporters of President Goodluck Jonathan; To make Jonathan appear weak and unable to tame the wild elements in his campaign team.
The rest of the text was illegible due to the dried patches of blood, likely from the blood oath. The document also stated that anyone who failed to carry out their duties would die a painful death. When reached for comment, Governor Ayo Fayose issuing a denial said: "Look here, I cannot sign a blood oath with anybody with my life...Yes, eyan le ku any fucking time, but that does not mean I will sign something that says I will die."
When asked to clarify his statement, he dropped the call. All attempts to reach the other persons involved for comment proved abortive.
Documents anonymously leaked to Dissociated Press, Wednesday, have suggested that the trio of Femi Fani Kayode, Doyin Okupe and Ayo Fayose had entered into a secret pact with the APC to secure victory for General Buhari at the 2015 presidential polls. One of the documents, a blood oath agreement signed by all three persons on a blood stained, blue A4 Conqueror paper, shows that all parties had agreed to work against the re-election of President Goodluck Jonathan "by any means necessary." It is unclear why they chose blue Conqueror paper instead of the more official cream or white.
In an appendix to the one page agreement, an equally blood-stained A4 plain sheet, outlined the duties of each of the three PDP members as follows:
Femi Fani Kayode: To systematically reduce the appeal of President Goodluck Jonathan by issuing extreme, odious and violent press releases in the name of Jesus; To bring President Jonathan into disrepute by spewing intolerance and hate.
Doyin Okupe: To irritate and annoy young and middle aged Nigerians on social media and make President Jonathan impossible to like; To pepper most messages with the name of Jesus, occasionally calling people children of Satan, giving the impression of the President as a religious bigot; To speak with no sense of decorum, bringing into question President Jonathan's sense of judgment in appointing his aides.
Ayo Fayose: To take it all up several notches by sponsoring the most cringe-worthy messages capable of putting doubts in even the staunchest supporters of President Goodluck Jonathan; To make Jonathan appear weak and unable to tame the wild elements in his campaign team.
The rest of the text was illegible due to the dried patches of blood, likely from the blood oath. The document also stated that anyone who failed to carry out their duties would die a painful death. When reached for comment, Governor Ayo Fayose issuing a denial said: "Look here, I cannot sign a blood oath with anybody with my life...Yes, eyan le ku any fucking time, but that does not mean I will sign something that says I will die."
When asked to clarify his statement, he dropped the call. All attempts to reach the other persons involved for comment proved abortive.
Saturday, February 14, 2015
BREAKING NEWS: NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT ELECTION POSTPONEMENT
Lagos, Nigeria
Two associations governing the activities of print media in Nigeria have taken the unlikely position of supporting Goodluck Jonathan's backdoor postponement of the 2015 General Elections.
Speaking at a thanksgiving service to praise God for the postponement, Mr Rufus Okupe, chairman of the Newspaper Proprietors Association of Nigeria (NPAN) said that the new date would extend the period of newspaper advertisements, enabling them to be able to offsets debts and pay salaries.
"Nigerian journalists are among the worst paid in the world," said the secretary of the Combined Union of Newspaper Traders and Suppliers (CUNTS), Mr Moringa Abati.
Mr Abati, who was also at the thanksgiving service, added that the proceeds from election advertisements in the next six weeks could help make sure that Nigerian journalists "won't have to collects brown envelopes for at least six months."
On her part, Mrs Ngozi Boniface, president of CUNTS, said that she empathised with Nigerians who might be frustrated with the shift from February 14 to March 28. "But it doesn't happen always," she said, "and Nigerians should allow us to chop too."
It was rumoured that social media and other campaign consultants also secretly attended the thanksgiving service to praise God for extending their contracts by six weeks.
The social media consultants and handlers of the Buhari campaign could not be reached for comment.
Two associations governing the activities of print media in Nigeria have taken the unlikely position of supporting Goodluck Jonathan's backdoor postponement of the 2015 General Elections.
Speaking at a thanksgiving service to praise God for the postponement, Mr Rufus Okupe, chairman of the Newspaper Proprietors Association of Nigeria (NPAN) said that the new date would extend the period of newspaper advertisements, enabling them to be able to offsets debts and pay salaries.
"Nigerian journalists are among the worst paid in the world," said the secretary of the Combined Union of Newspaper Traders and Suppliers (CUNTS), Mr Moringa Abati.
Mr Abati, who was also at the thanksgiving service, added that the proceeds from election advertisements in the next six weeks could help make sure that Nigerian journalists "won't have to collects brown envelopes for at least six months."
On her part, Mrs Ngozi Boniface, president of CUNTS, said that she empathised with Nigerians who might be frustrated with the shift from February 14 to March 28. "But it doesn't happen always," she said, "and Nigerians should allow us to chop too."
It was rumoured that social media and other campaign consultants also secretly attended the thanksgiving service to praise God for extending their contracts by six weeks.
The social media consultants and handlers of the Buhari campaign could not be reached for comment.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
BREAKING NEWS: JONATHAN PAYS SURPRISE VISIT TO BORNO TROOPS
CHIBOK, BORNO STATE
President Goodluck Jonathan secretly slipped into Borno under the cover of darkness on Thursday, ahead of a weekend visit with Nigerian troops serving in the protracted north-east war against Boko Haram insurgents - Nigeria's longest war.
Jonathan's presidential jet landed at the Maiduguri airport. He is scheduled to spend a few hours with soldiers in a military camp in Chibok as well as others around the state. He however has no plans to visit the governor of Borno State who has had a tumultuous relationship with Aso Rock.
Jonathan's surprise trip comes as the troops struggle to regain territory lost to Boko Haram. This will be the first visit by a serving Nigerian president to an area of conflict while the conflict is going on. The visit is expected to boost the morale of battle-weary troops and send a strong message to Nigerians about the president's commitment to ending the war in the north east. He is also expected to announce a new welfare package for soldiers at the war front that will see them get twice the stipends they now receive.
Monday, November 24, 2014
President Jonathan blasts America over Ferguson.
Abuja, Nigeria.
President Jonathan, Tuesday, at a world press conference in Abuja, flanked, by his bosom friend, President Deby of Chad, expressed displeasure at the situation unfolding in Ferguson, America. On Tuesday, a jury of 12, cleared a white officer of any wrongdoing in the shooting and killing of a black, unarmed teenager.
"The free world cannot stand by and watch while minorities get oppressed by persons who should protect them. As world leaders we will not stand by and watch the human rights of black minorities trampled upon. It is shameful how Obama, a half-black president cannot stand up for the human rights of people almost like him."
Mr Jonathan whose Nigeria has the biggest economy in Africa is largely considered to be the leader of the black world. President Jonathan also had words for what he considered disgraceful coverage of the Ferguson crisis by CNN.
"I am shocked that while minorities are being killed and denied justice, the mostly white anchors of CNN are mostly concerned about getting teargas in their eyes for ratings and chastising the black people who are legitimately angry."
When reminded that Don Lemon, a CNN anchor at the scene was black, Mr. Jonathan said: "That Lemon man, I didn't even know he was black. He is very light skinned. And he hates black people. I doubt he is black. But I will ask Reuben Abati to do the research. But I don't like the man. He doesn't even know how to use a gas mask."
President Jonathan also hinted at sending special troops to support the legitimate agitations of the endangered black people in America. He however ruled out the possibility of boots on the ground in America.
"We have begun the airlift of our citizens from that violent country back home. We cannot afford to lose Nigerians over there." He said.
President Jonathan, Tuesday, at a world press conference in Abuja, flanked, by his bosom friend, President Deby of Chad, expressed displeasure at the situation unfolding in Ferguson, America. On Tuesday, a jury of 12, cleared a white officer of any wrongdoing in the shooting and killing of a black, unarmed teenager.
"The free world cannot stand by and watch while minorities get oppressed by persons who should protect them. As world leaders we will not stand by and watch the human rights of black minorities trampled upon. It is shameful how Obama, a half-black president cannot stand up for the human rights of people almost like him."
Mr Jonathan whose Nigeria has the biggest economy in Africa is largely considered to be the leader of the black world. President Jonathan also had words for what he considered disgraceful coverage of the Ferguson crisis by CNN.
"I am shocked that while minorities are being killed and denied justice, the mostly white anchors of CNN are mostly concerned about getting teargas in their eyes for ratings and chastising the black people who are legitimately angry."When reminded that Don Lemon, a CNN anchor at the scene was black, Mr. Jonathan said: "That Lemon man, I didn't even know he was black. He is very light skinned. And he hates black people. I doubt he is black. But I will ask Reuben Abati to do the research. But I don't like the man. He doesn't even know how to use a gas mask."
President Jonathan also hinted at sending special troops to support the legitimate agitations of the endangered black people in America. He however ruled out the possibility of boots on the ground in America.
"We have begun the airlift of our citizens from that violent country back home. We cannot afford to lose Nigerians over there." He said.
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