Sunday, August 24, 2014

BREAKING: Shocker! Jonathan Won't Return From Germany

Abuja- Nigeria.

Reports reaching our Aso Rock correspondent indicate that after a marathon meeting with German Chancellor Angela Merkel, President Jonathan may not be returning to Nigeria after his "private visit". Our correspondent whose source inside President Jonathan's small entourage is reliable, has told us that President Jonathan was filled with enormous guilt after the meeting and decided to renounce corruption and bad governance.

"What will I tell God when I die?" President Jonathan confided in a friend whose identity we cannot disclose.
President Jonathan has reportedly finished drafting his resignation letter and is about completing the process of seeking asylum in Germany because he is afraid to face prosecution for corruption when he returns without presidential immunity.

When asked whether he would send for his family, he responded: "Every one has his race to run. I was born alone. Pashay (Patience) was born alone. She can come if she wants. Or she can face trial for corruption. It is all up to her. Me I have made my choice."

It will be recalled that Nuhu Ribadu once investigated Mrs Jonathan for money laundering after a courier was arrested with millions of pounds reportedly belonging to her.

President Jonathan has also reportedly begun a regimen of strict exercise and dieting as well as quit wearing his bowler hat. He said the hat reminded him of his sinful days.

It is unclear whether the Vice President will take over as president or resign himself and hand over to the Senate President.

More details shortly.

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