MISSION STATEMENT

Welcome to our page.

Dissociated Press is satire news. Google the word. We understand that in Nigeria this is difficult seeing as daily life mimics satire. We will attempt to be original. Where we fail, we will not accept responsibility. We reserve the right to edit things that offend people without issuing apologies. None of our facts are cross checked- we simply do not have the resources to do so. We prefer tea to coffee, Rihanna to Beyoncé, Achebe to Soyinka, protected sex to unprotected sex, nonbelievers to monotheists, Funmi Iyanda to Mo Abudu, living in sin to marriage and bidets (or baby wipes) to tissue. If you don't get the cultural references, befriend a Nigerian. We believe in equal rights for all persons, black, white, bleached, gay, straight, confused, virgins, promiscuous, tall, short, thin, fat, gluttonous, religious or godless. We will delete comments that put us down (anything from "annoying" to "nice") and respond to comments that give us high praise. Enjoy. And remember, if you like this page, tell others about us; if you don’t, keep it to yourself.

Ps. You know Associated Press? Good. We have nothing to do with those guys or any others like them.